Love is Complicated
by Casey McLoughlin-Fischbach
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING! THIS STORY DOES CONTAIN SELF HARM! Markiplier/Jacksepticeye/Crankgameplays


**Mark**

Jack was flying in from Ireland to film a series of videos with me before we headed to PAX. So here I was sitting in the airport with my best friends Ethan and Tyler waiting on Jack to land. It was going to be another twenty minutes. I spent most of my time playing on my phone and before I knew it I looked up and there stood Jack at the gate. Damn did he look hot. Oh! Stop it Mark he's straight. I reminded myself. I practically ran to Jack and threw my arms around him. He dropped his luggage in surprise and then snaked his arms around me.

"Good to see you too Mark." I quickly dropped my arms.

"I'm so excited for all the collab videos we are about to have. I've missed you. You're my best friend."

"HEY!" Ethan and Tyler yelled in unison. Jack let out a laugh. His laugh was adorable.

"I don't think Mark meant it like that guys but it is good to see you too." Jack went to grab his luggage and I halted him.

"Woah. Let me get that. You had a long ass flight." I snatched up the luggage before he could protest and started for the car. I popped open the trunk and placed Jack's belongings in there. With the slam of the lid I turned to Tyler and tossed him the keys.

"Here. You can drive. I want to sit in the backseat with Jack." Tyler raised his eyebrow.

"Hey guys could you give me a minute to talk with Mark?"

"Sure. Come on Ethan let's get in the car." Once the car doors slammed shut we walked over to the sidewalk.

"What is this about Tyler?"

"Mark.. I see the way you look at Jack."

 **Jack**

"What do you think they are talking about?" Ethan said very curiously. I turned to look at them when I noticed Mark's face dropped. Why did he seem so upset? God I hated to see my little Markimoo hurt.

"I'm not sure but whatever it is it seems to have Mark bummed." I saw Tyler hand Mark the keys. Well I guess he wont be sitting next to me. "Looks like a change of plans." I pointed to them.

"Oh.." What was up with Ethan he seemed nervous all the sudden. I didn't have time to ponder as I heard the door open. I was concerned but I didn't want to push Mark so I kept my mouth shut. The ride to Mark's house seemed eerily quiet. Once at Mark's house I finally piped up.

"Mark?" he seemed lost in thought. "Earth to Mark!" He snapped his head in my direction.

"W-what?" he managed to stammer out.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." He trailed off. I am not buying it but I dropped it anyways. Ethan and Tyler exchanged a quick glance. Ethan cleared his throat.

"I think Tyler and I are going to head to our rooms."

"Tyler your room is on the left at the end of the hall. Ethan you are right across from him." He nodded at the stairs. "Right at the top."

"Thanks." They said in unison. Man those guys are just in sync. I turned to Mark.

"Okay so where is my room? I want to get all my shit put in there before we collab."

 **Mark**

Fuck. I planned this like shit. I should have taken Tyler's advice back at the airport.

"About that.." I hesitated big time. "I only have the two rooms so you're going to have to bunk with me but I can sleep on the floor it is totally cool."

"Mark... I don't want you sleeping on the floor. That could fuck up your back big time."

I picked up his bags and headed for my room at the other end of the house. Once in my room I piled his stuff into a neat stack against my dresser. I walked over to the closet and proceeded to pull out two extra blankets and a pillow. I laid down the blanket then the pillow saving the other one so I could cover up.

"See Jack. Not so bad."

 **Jack**

I looked Mark square in his pretty chocolate brown eyes and I picked up the blankets and pillow. I put them right back where he got them.

"Sleep in the bed with me. I don't want to be the cause of back problems." I was pretty much pleading with my eyes. He seemed hesitant to answer. I saw worry flash across his face and it quickly turned into nervousness. He slowly shook his head.

"Yeah. Okay.." Why did he seem so nervous all day? I sat down on the bed and patted the empty space next to me. Without a single word Mark sat next to me. I let out a small sigh before I turned to him.

"I have to tell you something." We said in unison.

"You first."

"Well Jack I think it is time th-" I cut him off as I pressed my lips against his. I couldn't hold it back any longer. He was stiff with shock but after a few seconds I felt him melt into the kiss. His hands flew up to rest on either side of my face as he scooted closer. After a solid minute I pulled back to get some air.

 **Mark**

"Woah.." Jack said a little out of breath. "Was that as good for you as it was me?" I leaned in closer and rested my hand on his cheek. Then I just went for it. This time no hesitation whatsoever. I even got bold and started to nip at Jack's bottom lip.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Sort of." He cracked a smile and went in for yet another kiss. This one had more heavy passion to it. As I felt his lips part I took the opportunity to sneak my tongue in and did a little exploration. The bedroom door opened and neither of us heard until Tyler spoke.

"Hey did y- Woah." His mouth fell open. Jack jumped back and blushed. Ethan appeared from behind him.

"What the fuck.." tears were welling up in his eyes he turned around and I heard the bathroom door slam.

"I will go check on him." I got up and tapped my knuckle on the door. No response. I did it again. Nothing. I could hear faint crying.

"Ethan it's Mark let me in."

"Just go away!" Now I could really tell he was crying.

 **Ethan**

"Just go away!" my voice broke. Shit now he could tell I was really crying.

"If that's what you want." He sounded defeated but I heard him slink away. Fuck.. why did I have to be in love with Mark? I thought about what I just saw. Mark and Jack kissing. It was just playing in my head over and over. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone as I continued to cry I popped my case off. Aha! There you are you little bugger. I held the razor blade between my fingers. I got up and checked Mark's medicine cabinet for bandage to wrap up with. Bingo. I sat back down with my back against the tub and pulled up my sleeve. I took a deep breath. Then I jabbed the razor blade down against the skin of my wrist and started slicing as deep as I knew I could go. I don't know how long this went on for but when I was done there was blood everywhere. I stood up washed my arm with warm water and soap then I patted it dry. Man did that sting. I wrapped it up nice and snug making sure I wouldn't bleed through. Then I got some toilet paper to clean up the blood on the floor. Once done with that I flushed it cleaned my blade and placed that back in my case with my phone over it. I glanced at myself in the mirror. my eyes were puffy and red from all the crying but I guess I had to go out there at some point. I reached for the door handle when I heard him.

"Ethan?" I unlocked and opened the door. I was now face to face with Mark. He opened his arms wide for a hug. I accepted but when he pulled away he grazed my wrist and it caused me to whimper.

 **Mark**

I heard Ethan whimper.

"Hey. Hush.. we are all here for you." I gave his back a little stroke. "Do you want to go back to my room with everyone? I know Jack and Tyler are just as worried about you as I am. Maybe we can take your mind off things." he shook his head.

"Thanks Mark I really don't want to be alone right now."

"Come on. Let's go." I gave him a quick squeeze and we headed back to my room. Tyler and Jack perked up. It was Tyler that spoke first.

"Eth-" Ethan cut him off.

"I am fine. Just a lot of stuff pent up. I just got a text at the wrong time. Look. Can we just forget this happened." He seemed all over the place as he let out a frustrated sigh.

"Yeah we can." I said giving him another little stroke. The others shook their heads in agreement. "But please remember we are always here for you." We all ended up playing Town of Salem. After a couple of rounds Ethan spoke up.

"Hey guys.. I feel really lightheaded." He stood up. "Maybe I just need to-" With that Ethan fainted.

 **Jack**

"Hey guys.. I feel really lightheaded." He stood up. "Maybe I just need to-" With that Ethan fainted. I'm glad I was so close by I caught Ethan preventing him from hitting his head.

"What the fuck.." Mark muttered under his breath. I picked up Ethan bridal style.

"I will get the keys. Meet me at the car." With that Tyler hurried off. Since I was carrying Ethan I had to lay his head on Mark's lap in the backseat. Once at the ER I again hoisted Ethan bridal style out of the car. Mark and I hurried in as Tyler parked the car. Mark caught a nurse.

"Miss! My friend here said he felt lightheaded and proceeded to pass out. He was fine right before hand. I don't know what happened." He really rushed through that.

"Let's get him in a room. I will check his vitals and get a doctor." In the room Mark's phone went off.

"Hey Jack can you check that. I gotta pee."

"Yeah sure thing." Mark was back in a matter of minutes.

"Who was it?"

"Just Tyler. He said he would be in the waiting room because hospital rooms give him major anxiety." Finally the doctor was done checking over Ethan.

"Ethan appears to be in good heath. He passed out due to hypotension or in lame man's terms low blood pressure. He is going to be just fine. However.." The doctor walked over to Ethan and pulled up his sleeve. "Do either of you know why this is here?" What in the world..

"No sir. I've got no idea. Mark?"

"Same."

"Do either of you mind if I remove it? It might be something I can help with."

"Isn't that Ethan's business?"

 **Mark**

"Jack honey we are all ready here we might as well let the guy take a look."

"All right. Go ahead."

"Thank you gentleman." The doctor started to peel back the bandage when I noticed blood and a lot of it. Finally the whole bandage was removed.

"Holy fuck.." I muttered under my breath. Ethan's arm was riddled with cuts. The doctor looked back at Jack and I.

"I'm going to clean this up a bit and apply antiseptic. I recommend you have him change the bandages twice a day and watch for infection. I cannot force him to get help but I also recommend you guys talk to him about getting help. These are pretty deep. Just a little deeper and your friend wouldn't be alive right now." He finished dressing Ethan's arm and pulled his sleeve back down. "He's discharged and free to go when he comes to." I turned to Jack.

"We have to tell Tyler!" He placed his hand on my arm.

"Mark. Why don't you stay here with Ethan. I will go talk to Tyler. He gave me a quick kiss before exiting the room.

 **Jack**

I walked out of the white room and straight to Tyler. I spotted him by the door.

"Hey, are you okay?" He nodded slightly. "Is it your anxiety?"

"Yeah.. Is Ethan okay?" He glanced at me nervously.

"He's going to be fine. The doctor discharged him. We can take him home when he wakes up."

"That's great!" Tyler was very enthusiastic I hated to pop his little bubble of excitement.

"Yeah.." I trailed off. "There's one small problem.." his face dropped. "Hey don't be upset Ty. We just need to have a chat with Ethan. He has been self harming.."

"What did he do?" It was barely audible.

"He cut himself. Rather deep actually.. any deeper and he could have died.." Tyler looked ready to cry so I pulled him into a tight bear hug. "It's going to be okay." I don't know if I was trying the reassure myself or Tyler at this point.

 **Mark**

Jack walked out of the room to go talk to Tyler as I sat still waiting for Ethan to wake up. About five minutes passed but it felt like hours. I was staring at the plain white walls when I heard a weak Ethan call my name.

"Mark..? Is that you..?" I jumped up and placed his hand between mine teary eyed.

"Yes. It's me. How are you feeling?"

"Weak." He looked so fragile.

"I bet you are hun.." I helped him up. "Come on the doctor said we could go when you came to." He smiled a bit but it was a sad smile.

"Hey.. where is Jack and Tyler?"

"Out in the waiting room. You know Tyler and his anxiety. Jack just went out to give him an update." I held Ethan upward as he began slowly walking out to the waiting room.

 **Ethan**

I woke up slowly but really confused where was I? Wait is that..? Mark.

"Mark..? Is that you..?" I sounded so weak. I heard a chair scrape and then I felt two hands on mine. God I love the touch of him. I don't remember saying much more before I realized Mark had helped me up and out of the bed. He held me steady as I slowly but surely made my way out of the door. Then it hit me I was in the hospital. What even happened? Once in the waiting room I saw the somber looks on my friends faces. Tyler was staring at my arm. Why? Jack lightly tapped him and he quit looking. Wait.. oh god no.. did they know?

"Hey Ethan.." Jack gave me a little back pat. "Let's head home."

"Yeah." Tyler chimed in. "You look like shit." Mark jumped to my defense.

"Tyler! That's not going to make him feel any better." Tyler looked away and muttered sorry. Finally we were in the car. My brain hadn't processed what I was thinking before it flew out of my mouth.

"Mark? Can I stay with you tonight?" Why did I say that?! Face. Palm.

"Well Jack is-" Jack cut him off.

"I can stay in Ethan's room tonight. If that is what he really wants Mark." He cast my a sympathetic look.

"Yeah ok."

 **Jack**

We were in the car on the way home when Mark shot me a text. I didn't answer it right away so the others weren't suspicious. After a few I took a peek. _Hey, I know this bothers you a lot but it was really sweet of you to give up the room tonight. I appreciate it. I just want to warn you I've heard Ethan is a cuddler and I can't exactly tell him no in the current situation. If it happens I swear it is simply platonic. I love YOU no matter what._

I replied with:

 _Honey it's okay. I know you love me. If it were me staying with Ethan I would do the same. Sometimes you need it. Besides I have snuggled with friends before I have nothing against it._ I heard Mark sigh with relief.

 **Ethan**

Mark sighed. Was that relief? Maybe he did want to stay with me. Either way I was lost in thought and before I knew it we were home. Mark hoped out came around and opened my door for me. I went to stand and almost took a serious fall. Mark caught me.

"Hey why don't I just carry you." It wasn't phrased like a question but I had no time to think as Mark hoisted me up bridal style. I threw my arms up and over his neck to steady myself so I wouldn't fall. He ended up carrying me all the way to his room and placing me on the bed. He turned his back to me and started changing into pajamas. Woah.. He was sculpted. I eyes wandered down to his ass. Nice and plump.. MMM.. I rolled on to my back so he wouldn't know I was looking.

"M-mark." I managed to stammer out. I'm a fucking idiot. I felt his weight on the bed.

"Yes Ethan?"

"What happened to me?"

"Well you got really upset and locked yourself in the bathroom presumably to uh.. never mind. Anyways once I got you out we relaxed and played Town of Salem. You announced you felt lightheaded and you stood up and just fainted. If it weren't for Jack you might have a nasty head injury. He acted fast and caught you just in time. " Huh. I will have to thank Jack in the morning.

"Wait.. You said I locked myself in the bathroom presumably to and you stopped. Presumably to what?" My heart was racing. I thought it might pop right out of my chest. His face fell.

"Pull up your sleeve." What?! Panic must have flashed across my face. "Ethan.." He looked up at me with sadness in his eyes. "I know what you did. The doctor said your fainted due to your blood pressure dropping. Which happened because of blood loss." His voice cracked. "If you had gone any deeper you would have died." He began to sob. I sat upright and enveloped him in a hug. I rubbed my hand gently up and down his back.

"I-I am s-so." My voice broke as I started to tear up. "I am so s-sorry M-mark." I broke down and started crying along side Mark. He turned to me.

"Why did you do it?" he sniffled. "You said you got a text at the wrong time." I continued to hug him but rested my head on his shoulder.

"That was a lie." My face fell. "I saw you and Jack kiss. I couldn't stand it. Mark I think I love you."

 **Mark**

"Mark I think I love you." Fuck.. I thought I could drown out my feelings for Ethan with Jack. Don't get me wrong I love Jack. It's just I have had a crush on Ethan since I first met him. I always thought he was straight.

"E-Ethan.. I.." I let out a long sigh. "I loved you for a while but you've been in the closet. That's why I started to fall in love with Jack. I wanted to move on." His face was still in my shoulder. "Hey." I said it so softly it was barely audible. I took my hand and lightly pushed his chin so he was looking at me. he was still hugging me. "I'm so sorry I put you through this Ethan." I hugged him back. "You just need a good cuddle."

"W-what about Jack?"

"I all ready talked to him. It is okay hun." With that being said Ethan snuggled up to me with his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and fell into a peaceful slumber. I started to wake up when I noticed I was missing the warmth of Ethan's body on mine.

"Ethan?" I mumbled sleepily. Wait he wasn't going to hear that. I got up out of the bed and stepped out of my room. I looked to my right and stepped down into the kitchen. Not here. I walked down the hallway and to the bathroom door. I tapped on it.

"Ethan?" No answer. I grabbed the knob and it turned with no effort. Unlocked. I pushed open the door to see Ethan with a blade to his wrist.

 **Ethan**

I pushed the cold steel to my wrist. I had pushed so hard droplets of blood were forming.

"Ethan no!" As I heard Mark yell I felt him knock the razor out of my hand. He wrapped his arms around me from behind securing me from obtaining my blade off the floor. I started to cry.

"M-mark.. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have told you I loved you. I saw how it messed with your emotions and I didn't want to cause problems. I upset you."

"Shhh.. It's okay. It's going to all be all right." He looked down at the blade and released me. "Stay." He commanded. He bent down and picked it up. "Ethan.. hun you don't need this." he dropped it in the toilet with a little plunk and hit the flush. He turned to the door way.

"Jack?"

 **Jack**

I woke up in Ethan's room. After checking my Twitter which was blowing up because I announced I wouldn't be attending PAX nor was I going to post for a while as I stuck in LA due to unforeseen events. I decided I was going to get up and surprise everyone with breakfast. I made my way down the stairs and to the hallway containing the bathroom. That's strange why was the light all ready on. I peeked in when I reached the door. All I saw was Mark wrapped around Ethan.

"Stay." Mark commanded. He bent down and picked up a razor blade. "Ethan.. hun you don't need this." he dropped it in the toilet and flushed it away. We locked gazes.

"Jack?" Ethan's head snapped in my direction. Well fuck I had been spotted.

"I was coming to make breakfast and I saw the light on.." I trailed off. "I thought maybe it was left on." I was barely able to hear myself. Ethan looked terrified.

"Jack.. I.. you shouldn't have seen that." he muttered. I rushed over and gave him a hug while Mark wiped down and checked his wrist.

"Don't worry I won't say anything to Ty if you don't want me to." Mark looked up at me.

"Please don't Jack. Thank you. I love you honey." I thought I saw Ethan stiffen up. Ah it is just my imagination.

"I'm going to still go make breakfast for everyone." With that I started off towards the kitchen.

 **Ethan**

"Please don't Jack. Thank you. I love you honey." With those words I stiffened and Mark looked at me concerned as Jack took off. I broke free from his grasp shut the door locked it and faced him.

"Ethan.. I-" With that I slammed my lips into his. At first he was hesitant but after a few seconds he wrapped his arms around me and melted into the kiss. This felt unreal.

 **Mark**

Jack left to go make breakfast. Ethan had locked the door and turned to me.

"Ethan.. I-" Then his lips crashed into mine. I was shocked at first but for some reason I wrapped my arms around him and melted into the kiss. I pulled away for some air. We stared at each other for a few beats. Finally he said something.

"Why did I do that? Mark you are Jack are together and I kissed you. I ruin everything."

"I wouldn't say you ruin anything Ethan. Relax." I pulled him closer. "I always wanted the chance to kiss you once. We will keep this between us okay." He nodded.

"I won't let it happen again." he sounded very firm. I let go of him.

"Let's just go have breakfast." Once in the kitchen my guilt nipped at me a bit so I snuck up behind Jack while he was cooking and snaked my arms around him.

"Mark. I am trying to cook here." I nuzzled against his neck.

"Okay sorry babe." All the sudden Ethan jumped on my back.

"PIGGY BACK RIDE!" I stumbled into Jack and we died laughing. After a few minutes of goofing around breakfast was done.

"I'll go get-"

"I'm right here Ethan."

"Never mind." Tyler was standing in the door way. "Jack made breakfast."

"That's really sweet of you Jack." Everyone piled their plates and sat at the table. I cleared my throat.

"So as we all know from our hospital trip Ethan needs a little help and loads of support so you all are welcome to stay as long as you need. Ethan I would like you to move in immediately." His jaw dropped.

"What? Mark I can't d-" Jack spoke.

"You can't be alone Ethan. we don't want you getting hurt or ending up dead. We care about you too much." Tyler piped up.

"Jack you and I should move in also. That way someone is always available to keep tabs on Ethan."

 **Ethan**

"Mark I can't fucking move in." With that I got up and my chair scraping the ground was the only sound left in the room. I went straight for the bathroom slammed the door and locked it. I couldn't possibly live with Mark. I love him too much to see Jack and him together everyday. I was starting to work myself up. Damn it! I slammed my fist against the counter. Mark flushed my blade. There has to be something in here. I started rummaging through the cabinet. Aha! I had found a shaving razor. I quickly flipped it open.

 **Jack**

I stood up and went over to Mark. Wrapping my arms around him I said "He will come around." Tyler stood up.

"Thank you for breakfast Jack but I have to go. I can't see Ethan like this." He left the room. I turned back to Mark.

"At least he can't hurt himself. You flushed his razor."

Yeah.. I guess you're ri-" He froze. "JACK MY FUCKING SHAVING RAZOR!"

"Shit." We ran towards the bathroom. I jiggled the handle. "Fuck it is locked."

"Okay I have a push lock. See that tiny hole we need something to fit in there for the lock to pop up." With that we started searching.

 **Ethan**

I pressed my cold cruel steel lover against the other wrist because it was a fresh canvas. I started slicing as deep as I could. Now my arms were covered completely with cuts. Normally that would have been enough but it wasn't. I proceeded to slice open all my previous cuts. Still not enough. Blood was dripping everywhere but I didn't care. I made my way to the mirror tears blurring my vision. I threw the shaving razor and it skittered across the floor. I pushed the mirror to pop it open. Medicines lined the two shelves. I could just kill myself right now. Save everyone the trouble. I pulled out a bottle. Oxycontin. That would for sure kill me. I unscrewed the top and tipped them back.

 **Jack**

"Mark! I found a bobby pin!" We both skittered to the bathroom. I bent the bobby pin out straight and jimmied the lock. Pop. Mark threw the door open. Ethan was leaning back against the bath tub. Mark ran straight to him.

"Ethan!" There was blood everywhere and the mirror was popped open. I spotted the shaving razor and a bottle. I bent to pick up the bottle.

"He swallowed this bottle of Oxycontin..." I brain was becoming clouded as I rushed to help Mark get Ethan's limp body up. I dialed 911.

 **Mark**

Fuck Oxycontin. Once the ambulance got Ethan in Jack and I climbed in. They wheeled Ethan back in the a room to pump his stomach. Jack and I just had to stay in the waiting room. My phone rang. Tyler's name flashed across my screen. Fuck. I threw him on speaker.

"Mark I just got back where are you Jack and Ethan at?" he paused "HOLY FUCK! Why is there blood all over the bathroom?!"

"Ty.." Jack took over with his cool calm voice.

"We need you to meet us at the E.R."

"I'm on my way." I heard his car door slam. "What the fuck happened?"

 **Tyler**

Jack's voice took over for Mark.

"We need you to meet us at the E.R."

"I'm on my way." I jumped in my car. "What the fuck happened?"

"We will explain when you get here." With that Jack hung up Mark's phone. My mind was racing. If Mark and Jack were talking to me that means all that blood is Ethan's. My stomach started to curdle. There was so much blood. I parked the car and sprinted through the E.R. doors. Jack was comforting Mark. Wait was Mark crying? Jack spotted me and sprung up.

"Where is Ethan? Don't tell me that was all his blood. And why is Mark crying?"

"Ethan swallowed a whole bottle of Oxycontin from behind Mark's mirror. They pumped his stomach but he went into a coma. They don't know if he will make it. As for all the blood Ethan cut himself up and down both arms repeatedly with Mark's shaving razor. Mark is crying because he blames himself for this." With this Mark piped up.

"It is my fault. First I upset him when I asked for him to stay then I left the bottle of pills and the fucking razor for him to get to. I didn't check on him right away and I didn't unlock the bathroom door quick enough. Ethan could die because of me!" He let out a sob.

 **Mark**

Jack rushed over to me and laid his hand on my back.

"Baby this isn't anyone's fault." If only he knew. I drove Ethan to this point. I kissed him in the bathroom. I didn't think about anyone else but me. I knew it hurts him to see me with Jack yet I still did it and Jack.. Jack would be so upset. What's wrong with me? I took a deep breath to steady my voice.

"I'm going to go home to get everyone sweaters. It's kind of cold in here don't you think?"

'Mark are you sure you can drive okay?"

"Yeah Tyler. I am sure. Just need fresh air."

"I think that's a good idea. I will call you if anything happens but honey what about the bathroom?"

"I will clean it up. I don't want you guys to have to see it again." Jack looked worried.

"Are you sure? I can do it. I am more worried about your reaction to it. You are taking this pretty hard."

"Jack. I got it. Please."

"Yeah. Okay. like I said I will call you if anything happens. I love you."

"I love you too."

I unlocked the back door and stepped into the kitchen. I took a deep breath and braced myself to see the bathroom. I grabbed the mop and bucket and headed for the bathroom. Blood. Everywhere. I picked up the shaving razor and took a good hard look at it. I ran the blade under hot water to get rid of Ethan's blood. I then bent over to retrieve the bottle and toss it out. All I could think about is how I might lose Ethan. I was staring at the razor. I wonder what it feels like. You know to cut myself. I picked the razor back up off the counter. I flipped it back open. I pushed it against my wrist and slid it across. I took a sharp breath. That has a bite but it feels really good. I understand now Ethan. I slid it across again. I'm so sorry. Again. I didn't mean to hurt you. Again. I didn't want this the happened. Again. It is my fault if you die. This time I attacked my wrist. With each bite I felt better. Finally my feelings level out. I ran my wrist under cold water applied a triple antibiotic and bandaged it up. Then once again I cleaned the blade under hot water and put it away. I took the mop bucket cleaned the floor and wiped down the counter. Then I ran and grabbed everyone a hoodie but for some reason I decided to grab one of Ethan's for myself. it had his logo on it. I had one just like it so it would be my little secret. I threw it on and headed back to the hospital.

 **Jack**

Mark walked back in and handed Tyler and I our hoodies. He seemed a lot calmer now. I noticed his hoodie.  
"Hey.. he is going to wake up. We just have to believe." Mark nodded his head.  
"I'm really trying to believe babe. I just can't shake the feeling that I could be the reason that he dies."

"Mark you're not the cause of this." I sighed. Why couldn't he understand that its not his fault. A nurse approached us. She started taking in a calm cool and collected voice.

"Ethan is stabilized at this point but we have no way of knowing if he will ever wake up. You guys are welcome to go see him now. He's up in ICU on the third floor. It's room 306. It is usually two visitors at a time but since the three of you are the only ones here I talked to the doctor and you are allowed in his room together. "

"Were you guys able to get a hold of his parents?" I asked. "

He is only 20 after all." Ty chipped in.

"We did contact his parents but with them being in Maine and you guys being here in L.A. they have decided that there is no sense in coming all the way over here if he's in a coma because he has you guys." Wow.. shitty parents.

"Thank you Miss. You said third floor. What room again?"

"306." She jotted it down on scrap paper. "Here."

"Thank you again." We all headed upstairs. Third floor. Room 306.

 **Mark**

Third floor. Room 306. We stepped inside. There was Ethan all by himself hooked up to all these machines. All I could hear was various beeps. I slid a chair right next to his bed and slipped my hand underneath his. Jack pulled a chair up next to me and put his hand on top of ours. Ty slid up next to Jack and placed his hand on Ethan's upper thigh. We sat in silence. All of us in different degrees of crying until late into the night.

"Mark baby I think we should all go home and get some rest." Tyler nodded in agreement. I shook my head.

"I can't sleep, but you guys can head out if you want." Jack as always looked worried.

"Are you sure? Tyler and I can stay if you want."

"No. It's okay. If you guys can sleep go home and sleep. Do it for my sake." Jack gave me a little nod. He walked over and kissed me goodnight. Tyler and him left. A nurse walked by.

"Excuse me Miss." She turned to me. "Is it okay if I close this door?"

"I got it sweetie." She pulled it shut. I pushed up the sleeves of Ethan's hoodie.

"Ethan I know you can't hear me. I understand why you did what you did but honey you have to wake up. Come home. Back to us. We all love you dearly. You are strong and I know you never believed that but you can pull through." I clasped both my hands around his. Tears rolling down my face. I hung my head in defeat and stayed with Ethan all night. Days turned into weeks and I never left his side except to use the restroom. Jack and Tyler stopped by everyday and stayed into the nights but they enviably went home to bed. Despite their various offers I never changed my clothes. I wanted to be with Ethan as much as I could.

 **Jack**

We were back in the ICU visiting Ethan. Mark never left his side. He feels so guilty about this all. Tyler and I can't even get him to change clothes.

"Mark?"

"Hmm?"

"Could you eat something for me today? The last you ate was four days ago."

"Jack I can't eat." I sighed. He won't change and now he won't eat. Markimoo I'm so worried about you. I sat next to him. He always seemed to be holding Ethan's hand. I grabbed his free hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"We are here for you Mark."

"I know. It's getting late you guys should head home for some sleep."

 **Mark**

"Mark have you had any sleep?" No.

"Yes."

"You just look so tired." Ty pitched in.

"I am okay. Really guys. Go. Sleep." Jack kissed me and they left closing the door behind them. I heaved a sigh. It's been almost four weeks since Ethan went into his coma. The doctors told me that he can feel and hear me. It might help him to wake up so like every other night I started to babble to him with his hand cupped in mine.

"Ethan the doctors said this could help you so I do it every night. They also said that your cuts are healing nicely but you will be scarred. I took a look at mine the other day while I was in bathroom. Which is the only time I leave you. Anyways mine are healing too but just like you I will scar. I don't know how I will tell the others. They are bound to see my scars. They haven't been able to since I've been wearing your hoodie. They think it's mine. Sorry for just taking it. It's just comforting. Actually I'm sorry for all this. I left that stuff within your reach and now I might never get to say goodbye. Jack and Ty are here all day everyday. I send them home to rest every night. There's no sense in all of us ending up with back pain and stiff necks. Besides that if you were to die I wouldn't want them to see it. I all ready messed up your life I wouldn't want to mess up theirs." I was crying. Like I do every time I do this. "I'm a fucking mess without you Ethan." My head fell in defeat just like every night. As I was sobbing I felt Ethan stir. My head shot straight up. I sprinted to the door and shouted.

"Hey I think he's waking up!" A nurse bustled into to room past me. I returned to my chair and just as I cupped Ethan's hand I heard him speak.

"Mark..?"

"I'm right here." I gave his hand a little squeeze. The nurse turned to me.

"All his vitals check out. I will leave you two be. I'm sure you have catching up to do." She left and when the door clicked Ethan and I locked gazes.

"Where's Tyler and Jack?"

"I send them home every night to get rest but I promise they are here everyday." My tears were back. "I really thought you were going to die."

"I am not going to sugar coat it. I really wanted to. I am actually quite surprised that I'm even able to talk to you right now. That was a lot of Oxycontin."

"Yeah that I fucking left for you to get!" I was sobbing hard. "It's my fault you almost died!" I couldn't see his expression my vision was too blurred from my tears but I felt him squeeze my hand.

"Mark.. is that what you think? You didn't force me to swallow those pills. I made the decision myself. This is NOT your fault."

"I thought I lost you forever Ethan.."

"You must have had some faith in me. Look at your hoodie."

"It's actually yours.."

"Awe Mark."

 **Ethan**

Mark stood up.

"I'm going to give Jack and Tyler a call."

"Wait.. can't you do that in the morning?"

"I'm afraid of how mad they will get if I don't tell them right away."

"Please Mark?" I just wanted time alone with you. He hesitated.

"At least let me text them?'

"Yeah. Okay." Mark furiously typed away on his iPhone. "There."

"They are probably asleep anyways Markimoo."

"Yeah.. Stop that by the way. You know I hate that nickname." There was a ping noise as his phone lit up. "It's Jack." He opened it up.

"Babe.. I mean.. uh.." my face turned bright red. I had to look away from him.

"Umm.. Ethan?" I couldn't look at him. He cleared his throat. "I like the way you called me babe..." It was Mark's turn to blush. I glanced over and he looked down at his phone. I cracked a smile.

"Well.. Babe.. I wanted to say you should tell Jack I said it's okay to wait until morning for him and Ty to come up here."

"Will do.." He grabbed my hand again. I put my other hand right on top of his. Ping. "Fuck.. Jack said they are coming up here anyways." He looked bummed.

"I promise I'm okay. I'm alive babe." Mark looked like he was going to burst into tears again. He heaved a shaky sigh.

"Ethan I have to tell you something.. promise not to freak out?" My heart rate picked up. I shook my head.

"I promise." He moved his hand and pulled up his well my hoodie sleeve. I took a shaky breath as he revealed pink scars in the process of healing.

 **Mark**

"Mark.." Ethan was barely audible.

"I was super upset about what happened but please don't put the blame on yourself. I was distraught with the fact that I left those pills out and I didn't see the signs that pointed to this being an outcome. I decided I wanted to know why you do what you do..." I had tears in my eyes threatening to spill over.

"Hey." He grabbed my hand and started stroking his finger across my knuckles. "We can get through this together Mark." I shook my head.

"Ethan.."

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I won't tell Jack you said that." That single sentence shattered my heart.

 **Jack**

"I love you."

"I won't tell Jack you said that." Tears gathered in my eyes.

"Too late." I said and the turned on my heels and rushed for the bathroom I slammed the door and locked it. I heaved a sob and slid against the door down to the floor. There was a tap at the door.

"Jack." It was Tyler. "Jack. I saw you go in there." I stood up and opened the door to come face to face with him.

"Why would Mark say that?" Ty enveloped me in a hug.

"Jack sweetie I don't think he meant it like that."

"Then why did Ethan say he wouldn't tell me?" I was on the verge of tears again.

"Jack I think it was a joke. Look hun I love Ethan so do you but that doesn't mean you are into him like that. " I sniffled. "Right?" I shook my head. We both went back to the room. Mark shot straight up off his chair.

"Jack I-" I cut him off.

"Mark. It's okay. Really. I get it. You love Ethan just like Tyler or I do."

 **Mark**

Phew. Jack didn't think anything of what i said to Ethan. I think I really just dodged a bullet here. Jesus.. What the fuck am I doing? This cannot be happening.

 _**time skip: 1 week**_

We were finally able to bring Ethan home. I just finished packing up his stuff. I sighed with relief.

"Okay.. Jack ran to get the car from the valet and Tyler ran to the cafeteria to grab a snack which means I have time to do this." I grabbed Ethan by the waist and planted a long soft kiss on his lips. He was taken aback.

"Fuck.." He muttered breathlessly. " Mark Fischbach you will be the death of me."

I smiled down at him, put my index finger to my mouth, and said,

" Just between us." Ethan smiled back.

"Of course." I stepped back.

 **Jack**

I heard Ethan's voice.

"Of course." Sounded like he had a smile on his face. I spoke as I walked in.

"Of course what?" They both turned to me but Mark was the one to answer.

"Of course Ethan misses home. He also agreed to come live in my house with us. Right?" Ethan shook his head in agreement.

"That sounds great. Hey Mark, Tyler and I decided to move in too if that's okay."

"Of course you're all welcome to stay."

"Thanks baby." I gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "I will go get Tyler and meet you guys at the car okay?" They both nodded.

 **Ethan**

It kills me to see Jack kiss Mark. I know they are in love, but these stolen kisses are not enough for me anymore. I want more. I gave Mark a once over and bit my lip. I want to do such bad things to that sexy body. I started to feel a restriction in my skinny jeans. Shit.. I was getting so hard. Oh God.. please don't notice. I grabbed my bag to cover it.

"You must be eager to get out of here. Let's go." Phew.. I don't think he saw.

 _**time skip: couple of hours**_

Mark set me up in his room because Jack said I could use a good platonic cuddle for the next couple of nights. He was partially right. I needed a good cuddle, but not a platonic one. Jack and Tyler had gone up to their rooms which left me and Mark alone. Mark sighed and walked to the closet. He grabbed a few things and started to strip. Fuck that is hot. There was that restriction again. Mark turned around and caught a glimpse. He smirked.

"Don't think for a second that I didn't notice you get hard at the hospital." Curiosity flashed across his face. Lust danced in his eyes. He bit his bottom lip. " What were you thinking about?"

 **Mark**

He paused. "Well.. u-uh.." He was fumbling his word which for some reason made him a hundred times cuter. I locked my bedroom door. He seemed super nervous so in a few strides I closed the gap between us. I put us nose to nose and whispered,

"Don't be nervous." before planting a soft kiss. Soon however that soft kiss turned into something more. Ethan was biting at my lip with lust. I smirked. Well well.. coming out of our shell aren't we? My hand slid down to his hard on. I gave it a little squeeze. He was holding back his moans.

"Oh we are going to play that game huh?" He looked confused as I whipped his dick from his jeans. I started with licking the tip and that was getting me somewhere but not close enough. I popped him into my mouth and started to bobble up and down just half of his hard on.

"M-mark.." He moaned, grabbed a fist of my hair, and shoved me all the way down his shaft length.

 **Jack**

I was sitting in the room that was meant to be Ethan's, but I told him to go lay with Mark for a platonic snuggle. I know that Mark gives the best snuggles and Ethan really needed them. Sitting here though I was really missing my Mark. I wanted to make a video, but I knew I wouldn't be me. I wasn't trying to disappoint the fans or anything, but Ethan just got out. Everyone was asking what the hell happened. Mark, Ethan, and I all dropped our channels at the same time. I'll admit if I were a fan of all three of us I would be suspicious of this too. I would think this is for sure connected. Fans were going fucking nuts. I tweeted out a tweet that stated, _Yes we all were dealing with something together, but everyone is okay. There is no reason to panic and our three accounts are down until further notice_. The real fans were super supportive and the shit fans flipped their shit. Oh geez.. I put my phone down and headed down the stairs to Mark's room. I reached for the door handle, but stopped. Is that moaning?

 **Mark**

Ethan and I were in the heat of the moment he was moaning when the door knob jiggled. We both froze. Shit. Who could that be? Then there was a tap.

"Mark? Ethan?" Oh, it was Jack. Another handle jiggle. "Why is the door locked?" I hadn't moved yet. "Mark? What's going on?" Another jiggle. I finally locked eye contact with Ethan. He shook his head.

"Ethan, I gotta answer him.." I was whispering, "I'm ninety nine percent sure he heard us." Now he was banging on the door.

"MARK! ETHAN! WHAT THE FUCK ?!" He slammed his fists off the door. I sprung into action as Ethan shoved his cock back in his pants. I whipped open the door. He looked so pissed.

"Jack I-"

"You're cheating on me." It wasn't a question. It was an accusation. My face fell. Jack scoffed. "I knew it."

 **Jack**

I turned around and walked away before Mark could see the tears forming in my eyes. I darted up the stairs, slammed the door, and locked it. That's when the tears really started to flow. I heard a tap on the door. I tried to steady my voice.

"Go the fuck away Mark."

"It's Tyler."

"One second." I got up and unlocked the door. I flopped back onto the bed.

"Jack?" I didn't answer. "What's going on?"

"Nothing.."

"That's a lie. I know you were crying and no offense you look fucking miserable." I heaved a sigh.

"Mark cheated on me with Ethan."

"What?! I swear to God." With that he stood up.

 **Tyler**

"Mark, you dumb fuck!" I quickly left Jack's room despite his protests. I flew down the stairs. I screamed again.

"Dip shit!" I got to his room, whipped open his door and started going off.

"Mark you fucking du-" I was face to face with Ethan. He looked terrified and upset.

"M-Mark locked himself in the bathroom. I c-can't get him out." I started to leave.

"Ethan?" He looked over at me. "You're a piece of shit too." I walked out and proceeded to bang on the bathroom door.

"Mark! Get your pussy ass out here! Don't you realize what you did?!" Nothing. "You are just a piece of shit. You fucked up really bad." I slammed my fist off the door.

"Mark! You broke him. Jack loved you!"I hit the door again. "Mark!" I slammed my fist off the door a final time and left to clean up my busted knuckle in the kitchen sink.

 **Ethan  
** "Ethan?"I peered over at him."You're a piece of shit too." I flinched as Tyler walked away. I could still hear him screaming down the hall as I scurried into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. If Mark was locked in the bathroom I can promise you he's cutting himself. I slid the knife across the pink scars. Tears flooded my eyes as I swiped more and more at my wrist. Blood everywhere. I got it in the sink, on the counter, and the floor. It felt too good to stop. I heard a gasp. I spun around to see Tyler with a bloodied knuckle in the doorway. I spoke with a shaky voice as the knife clattered to the ground.

"I-I couldn't help m-myself. You w-were right. I'm j-just a piece of sh-shit."

"Fuck.. Ethan..I'm sorry." Tyler strode over to me and grabbed my arm. He spoke again.

"This is going to sting a little."He turned on the faucet and ran my arm under cold water. He handed me some paper towel. "Hold this on there until I can get Mark to give me the first aid kit."

 **Mark**

There was blood in the sink, on the floor, and in the bathtub. My arm stung and I was starting to get blood on my clothes, but I couldn't move. There was a light tap on the door.

"Mark?" It was Tyler. "I know I just threw a fit. I wouldn't take it back, but I need the first aid kit." I did not respond.

"It's not for me." My voice was weaker than I expected.

"Who?"

"Ethan." Shit. I bet Ethan cut himself. Fuck.. He knew that's what I would be locked in here for. Tyler tapped the door again.

"Mark." I managed to get up and open the door. Tyler looked around.

"Jesus Christ.. You too?" He pushed his way past me to the cabinet and grabbed the first aid kit. Then he grabbed my unharmed arm and guided me to the kitchen with him. Ethan and I made eye contact, but I quickly glanced away. Tyler ran my arm under cold water. He opened the first aid kit.

"Shit..There isn't enough gauze here to wrap both your arms." I heard him scream up the stairs. "Jack bring me the first aid kit in the bathroom up there! I'll be in the kitchen!" He reentered the kitchen. He shook his head. Ethan and I just stood there holding blood soaked paper towels to our arms looking at the kitchen tile. I could hear Jack slowly coming down the stairs. He seemed cautious.

 **Jack**

Ty had asked me to bring down the first aid kit, but I was taking my time. I crept down the stairs, because I wanted to avoid Mark and Ethan. I rounded the corner and stepped down into the kitchen. I could see Ty at the table, so I walked over to him. I noted that his knuckle was busted. That's when I noticed. Standing in front of the sink was both Ethan and Mark. All my feelings started to swell inside me. I was trying super hard to not cry when I heard Tyler speak.

"Turn around." Reluctantly and with a sigh they both turned around. Holy shit. I mouth moved faster than my brain.

"Ty, why don't you handle your busted knuckle and I'll handle these guys' arms." Tyler shook his head and walked to the sink.

"Mark. Ethan." They both moved by me at the table. I sprayed a wound disinfectant down each of their arms and they both winced. I grabbed the gauze then wrapped up Ethan's arm and hesitantly wrapped Mark's. I stood up and enveloped both of them in a hug. Once I pulled away I made the split decision to kiss both their arms.

 **Ethan**

No one spoke through the whole ordeal, but Jack had just kissed both mine and Mark's wrapped up arms. I cleared my throat.

"Jack?" I caught him in the doorway and he turned around to face me. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you right now, but I am sorry and Mark.. he loves you Jack. He loves you so much." Jack started to tear up. Mark opened his mouth now.

"I know I fucked up Jack, but Ethan is right. I love you, but with that being said I also love Ethan." Jack's face dropped. Tyler piped up.

"Jack. Kiss Ethan."

"What?!" My jaw dropped.

"If Jack kisses Ethan and he likes it all three of you can be together. Granted Jack likes Ethan too." Jack shrugged.

"What the fuck do I have to lose?" Mark watched wide eyed and with that Jack bound off the step and closed the gap between us. He placed one hand on my cheek and the other around my waist. He softly planted a tender kiss on my lips. As he pulled away he slightly bit my lower lip. I let out a breathe and said,

"Wow.." Jack moved over to Mark and gave him a kiss too. He stepped back and quietly stated,

"I'll try this throuple." We all broke into smiles and gathered in a group hug. I motioned to Tyler.

"Get your ass in here!" Tyler joined in.


End file.
